Watching the sea of gratitude flowing out of everyones’s blogs, Facebook pages and Instagram accounts yesterday was such a beautiful thing. I absolutely loved seeing and hearing all of the little and big things that each person treasured the most in their lives. I kept thinking that I wished everyday was Thanksgiving.
I had grand plans to write a long post yesterday, detailing my personal gratitude list, but ended up taking care of a sick kiddo instead. Laying awake last night, listening to the quiet house, thinking back over the past year, I was overwhelmed by just how much I have to be grateful for.
This year was an absolute internal roller coaster for me. Between the crippling waves of fear and worry, and all of the changes taking place behind the scenes here, I really struggled to keep my head in the game for much of the time. Gratitude was not part of my daily vocabulary. Instead I spent a lot of time focused on what I didn’t like, what wasn’t working, how I was coming up short and how scared and frustrated I felt at every turn. Rather than embracing the changes with faith and curiosity, I instead fought them with a whole lot of fear and stress.
But now that the field has been put to bed, the spring bulbs are in the ground, my book manuscript has finally been turned in, and so many of the big creative projects we’ve been cooking up are just about ready to be revealed to the world, there is finally a little break in the action. And I finally feel like I can breathe again.
In this tiny window of quiet space, I have found that gratitude has been returning. Even though this was one of the toughest years I can remember, I am so incredibly grateful for all of the abundance that surrounds me— the abundant flowers in our fields, the abundant love from my family, the abundant support from the ladies behind the scenes here at Floret, the abundant community of flower friends near and far and the abundant beauty that overflows from every corner of my life.
Following your dreams is scary. At least it always is for me. Sometimes you’re at the top of the mountain, celebrating the incredible view and then other times you’re so deep in the forest that you can’t see the stars. This year I spent more time in the forest than I needed to. Looking back, I can see that it was because I let fear win out.
This wonderful quote from Big Magic, by Elizabeth Gilbert has been my north star these days.
“Fear is always triggered by creativity, because creativity asks you to enter into realms of uncertain outcome. And fear hates uncertain outcome. This is nothing to be ashamed of. It is, however, something to be dealt with.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert
Going forward, I am working on taking a new approach to the journey. I’ve still got some serious work to do, to get back to a place of daily gratitude and faith in the bigger plan. But I can feel it’s already happening. Slowly and steadily, it’s happening.