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November 27th 2015

Returning to Gratitude

Written by
Floret

View More: http://wildflowersphotos.pass.us/floretWatching the sea of gratitude flowing out of everyones’s blogs, Facebook pages and Instagram accounts yesterday was such a beautiful thing. I absolutely loved seeing and hearing all of the little and big things that each person treasured the most in their lives. I kept thinking that I wished everyday was Thanksgiving.

I had grand plans to write a long post yesterday, detailing my personal gratitude list, but ended up taking care of a sick kiddo instead. Laying awake last night, listening to the quiet house, thinking back over the past year, I was overwhelmed by just how much I have to be grateful for.

This year was an absolute internal roller coaster for me. Between the crippling waves of fear and worry, and all of the changes taking place behind the scenes here, I really struggled to keep my head in the game for much of the time. Gratitude was not part of my daily vocabulary. Instead I spent a lot of time focused on what I didn’t like, what wasn’t working, how I was coming up short and how scared and frustrated I felt at every turn. Rather than embracing the changes with faith and curiosity, I instead fought them with a whole lot of fear and stress.

But now that the field has been put to bed, the spring bulbs are in the ground, my book manuscript has finally been turned in, and so many of the big creative projects we’ve been cooking up are just about ready to be revealed to the world, there is finally a little break in the action. And I finally feel like I can breathe again.

In this tiny window of quiet space, I have found that gratitude has been returning. Even though this was one of the toughest years I can remember, I am so incredibly grateful for all of the abundance that surrounds me— the abundant flowers in our fields, the abundant love from my family, the abundant support from the ladies behind the scenes here at Floret, the abundant community of flower friends near and far and the abundant beauty that overflows from every corner of my life.

Following your dreams is scary. At least it always is for me. Sometimes you’re at the top of the mountain, celebrating the incredible view and then other times you’re so deep in the forest that you can’t see the stars. This year I spent more time in the forest than I needed to. Looking back, I can see that it was because I let fear win out.

This wonderful quote from Big Magic, by Elizabeth Gilbert has been my north star these days.

“Fear is always triggered by creativity, because creativity asks you to enter into realms of uncertain outcome. And fear hates uncertain outcome. This is nothing to be ashamed of. It is, however, something to be dealt with.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

Going forward, I am working on taking a new approach to the journey. I’ve still got some serious work to do, to get back to a place of daily gratitude and faith in the bigger plan. But I can feel it’s already happening. Slowly and steadily, it’s happening.

 

15 Comments

  1. Aebersold on

    Buy flowers for your give some time your self.

    Reply
  2. Molly McGill on

    Thank you for your honest and brave words. It’s nice to know you are not alone.

    Reply
  3. Debbie Lerner on

    Can I receive a beautiful Calander in Canada. Love your blog and watch you vicariously thru Instagram.

    Reply
  4. Villlage Kid on

    Sharing your fears helps me put mine into a mind set to keep working. A few short weeks ago I had been through some farm planning with my spouse, excited as another HT was due to go up within a few weeks and him saying to plan on attending one of your workshops in 2017 and then I lost him to the sea.

    He believed in what I am doing and how it can offer the area we live in some hope for another way(s) to develop our bay’s economy. He would bring me rose bushes versus bouquets of roses for special occasions. He was a believer in the local flower movement.

    I know the next few years will be harder than I can even realize but I will go on.

    There are so many things to be grateful and I am glad we can all find at least something in our own lives to be positive with. Your admitting that you have had a ‘forest’ to struggle through, but have come through it, give me and others hope.

    Enjoy the rest of your holiday, hugs those around you and thank you again for sharing.

    Reply
  5. Grace on

    I just found your blog and what a delightful time I’ve had looking through it. I was captivated by each article particularly the growing guides they are just what I have been searching for. So many people are rather selfish with their methods and I can’t say that I blame them a bit, but to see such advice dispensed freely was refreshing!

    I saw that you grow delphiniums and they are my holy grail flower I have tried for the past 11 years to grow them and they meet with tragedy each year but I am determined to have them so each year I learn a bit more. I would love, love, love to hear any advice on growing these beauties. Most people just say “plant larkspur it’s just as pretty” but they just don’t quite thrill me the way delphiniums do. So if you should ever become bored (unlikely) a how to for delphiniums would be a dream come true!!!!

    Reply
  6. Jill Meyer on

    Erin,
    Your blogs touch me at the most opportunistic moments. I’m a retired nurse and continue to be a caregiver for many. My garden and flowers have always grounded me and given me joy. I’ve signed up for one of your workshops in May, and it has been one of the scariest things I’ve ever done! I feel every time I start doubting this decision, I get a sign that this is exactly what I need to be doing. Thank you! Your posts inspire me.

    Reply
  7. Jen Kessler on

    I’m in the same boat. Trying to realize all of the things I have to be grateful when I’ve spent most of the year being frustrated because I don’t know how it’s going to turn out. Loved this post!

    Reply
  8. Michelle Shackelford on

    I’m grateful for you Erin! Sharing your struggles helps us with ours. We all feel so alone sometimes. Some days I have unbridled enthusiasm for my flower farm. Other days I’m wondering what the hell am I doing! Learning how to deal with it is incredibly important for the success of any entrepreneur. I jumped in this year. After two crappy seasons I’m going whole hog this coming year. I planted so many bulbs, over 5,000, all by myself! I’m also going to officially be a full time farmer next spring. No more off farm day job. Woohoo! 2016 is the year.

    P. S., I am beyond excited waiting for your book!

    Reply
  9. Christine on

    Thank you for this beautiful blog. The flower pictures remind me to choose love over fear every time.

    Reply
  10. Killoran Moore on

    I have to agree with Lynn. I’m grateful to have stumbled upon you and then so many of your colleagues. It’s so scary to do what you love, especially when it’s something that people seem to think is so unlike you.

    Congratulations on turning in your manuscript! I AM SO EXCITED! CAPS LOCK EXCITED!

    Reply
  11. Allison on

    Thank you for sharing, Erin. I too have been going through alot of creative changes & challenges…with more to come in 2016. But we can choose to live from love, not fear. Easier said than done? I hope not. Thank you for being an inspiration to me! ?

    Reply
  12. Lynn on

    I have to tell you Erin, that ONE of the things out of many that I’m thankful for, is by chance, finding you. You have helped me start coming out a little from a well of depression, reminded me how much joy I find in color, and growing and designing flowers. Your honesty and generosity in sharing your thoughts make me stop and re-think, every time. I cannot take a workshop this year, as my older daughter is getting re-married in Mexico, but my goal, just for me, is to attend one in 2017, God willing. I’m very thankful you choose to share so much of yourself.

    Reply
  13. pam brewer on

    Another quote I keep at my desk: “And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.”
    ― Roald Dahl

    Reply
  14. Anna on

    This post resonated with me as I’ve struggled with so much fear this year and it’s all because of big changes that we are making and chances we are taking. That beautiful quote spoke to me directly, so thank you. And thank you for all the beauty you bring to the world, near and far!

    Reply
  15. Corina on

    You are not alone. Most people I know have had one of the most difficult years of their lives (including me). Some crazy planetary #$% came down… Can’t wait to have our cup of tea and chat about all that. Sorry I had to cancel at the last minute. Let’s connect soon!
    PS: Love the photo of your and your lovely family!

    Reply

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