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November 13th 2012

unearthing

Written by
Floret

 

A friend wrote today, checking in, seeing how things are going and asked the big question,” had I taken any space to chill out from the season yet?”
It was so cool to be able to report back that yes, indeed, I have been taking it totally easy! Family dinners, weekend adventures, home schooling with the kids, baking, reading…all things homey and relaxing that should leave me feeling grounded, happy and content.

Life is CRAZY during the flower season. Already looking back I’m in awe of how we did it all. How on earth did I keep my head on straight amidst so much chaos?! And with a smile no less!
I blew it on quite a few things, more than I would have liked to but damn I sure tried to keep all of the balls in the air! My poor brides always had to wait a little too long for response emails, my kiddos tucked themselves into bed more times than are cool and I ate standing up or walking for three months straight… but we made it through, we survived and now it’s time to settle in, reconnect and reflect.

 

Truthfully, I’ve been kinda freaking out since life returned to a normal pace. It’s been tough to recalibrate to the new, incredibly slower speed. To the new incredibly slower…me.
I had no idea how much of my identity has been tied to being a freight train, barreling ahead at a 100 miles an hour all of the time. Who am I if I slow down? What do I want to spend my days, my life doing? Who the hell am I anymore anyway?!

 

Yeah, it’s been super ugly! But as I dig through the layers, work through all the surfacing fears and blocks that have been laying dormant all season, I’m finding some amazing things. Belief systems are getting reworked, my direction is becoming clearer and clearer and my personal mission is finally coming into form.

What if I could have the life that I dream of? What if I could be the real me, not just at home, in private, but all of the time? What if I stopped hiding and really started playing full out in my life?
Fuuuuuuuck, these questions make me squirm like crazy!!! But I just can’t go another round, another season, another year bullshitting myself. I have to jump off the cliff. I have to start living as if this is actually MY life.

 

From past experience I know this raw, humiliating, brutal, ugly digging is where I unearth the very best part of myself. The parts that have been hiding for a lifetime.
What if life is just one big treasure hunt and the gold that we seek is actually all of the lost pieces of ourselves? What if there is nothing “out there” to get or to have, only fragments of ourselves to reclaim and rediscover?

 The clock is ticking. We only have one life.
 I am ready. It is time.

 

There have been a handful of wonderful gifts that have crossed my path these past weeks. If you too are in need of some inspiration be sure to follow the links given for each.
Books: Start With Why by Simon Sinek, Mans Search For Meaning by Victor E. Frankl

Illusions by Richard Bach and Earth Time Moon Time by Annette Hinshaw
Videos: The Calling by David McLain    What I have to Offer by Charlie Kaufman  

 

13 Comments

  1. Rondi on

    Thank you! Keep up the good fight!!! It inspires me to keep looking.

    Lessons in life like this make me look inside as well as outside (what we are and want to be). Marshall Rosenberg's language of non-violence has been helping our family communicate with ourselves and others better and guiding us on how we can make the world more wonderful. Helping me transform my thinking to one of love and understanding instead of pain and fear.

    Reply
  2. her billowing heart on

    i really like matin heidegger's being & time which says, "Be your ownmost potentiality for being!"

    your blog, your flowers, your courage are all most marvellous!!!

    loveliest of thoughts

    Reply
  3. Terri Todd on

    "All that you are seeking is also seeking you." Women Who Run With the Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estes. This was the Bible for my generation.

    Your rose hips are gorgeous – I'd give a Yankee dime for the name of that rose…

    Terri

    Reply
  4. handsownfarm on

    I appreciate these reflections and can relate to them in my own life as an organic vegetable farmer. This is definitely a side of the work that folks don't discuss much. Thanks for shedding light on how it feels to be doing the work you are doing. Enjoy these quieter days!

    Reply
  5. Lynne Wilson on

    Thanks for your honesty Erin…it's much appreciated. I've been feeling the same way but I've been unable to put it into words.

    It might be a long winter. lol! :)

    Reply
  6. Kate Holt on

    why aren't we neighbors?
    I'm trying to survive the quiet, relaxing time over here and find myself squirming too…looking for easy outs.
    hope to see you soon. -k

    Reply
  7. Belinda @ Wild Acre on

    Sometimes reflection is so dynamic!

    I'm a long time fan of V Frankl – a few years back I had his book on my ipod and would listen to it walking the dog. They became long walks as I was totally absorbed! I even wondered about studying logotherapy, it seems to make so much sense to me. Now I'm keen to look up your other recs!

    Look forward to reading your mission manifesto someday! Bx

    Reply
  8. Martin & the Magpie on

    sometimes we all need to stand back, quietly and see where we are….hope it all becomes clear to you..x

    Reply
  9. Lisa P from The Hollyhock Wall on

    "UNEARTHING" JUST THE WORD IT'S SELF TRANSCRIBES THE ESSENCE, NO FUSS, NO FAKES, GOOD STRONG, REAL AND DETERMINED. I'D SAY LOOK NO FURTHER.

    tODAY i HAVE CAPITALATISE, BUT DOES IT MATTER

    Reply
  10. Bare Mtn Farm on

    You ask…"How can I do this? Who am I?" Sometimes it is hard to see in yourself but for others, it is really obvious. You are a natural, the real deal, the gift lies within you. For others, they just want to be… well,You… they have the talent but not the gift. Spend quiet time with you, inside, you know her, she is there, you'll find her, see her…. it's not "out there"; its "in there". You have much to offer!

    Reply
  11. Linadlou on

    So, in this authentic life you're discovering, … how is it different from this past season? What's next? I have daughters your age, and find I ask these same questions of myself. When you discover the authentic, please share. sent with love, Linda

    Reply

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