The past few weeks have been a full tilt marathon and I only now feel like I’m catching my breath again after the race. While I generally like a lot of fast paced hustle (maybe a little too much for my own good) when my plate stays too full for too long it starts to take its toll. The past week I spent a good deal of time feeling overwhelmed and defeated and pretty dang low. It was really tough to see the positive side of things.
Poor Chris, I just followed him around complaining about all of the things that weren’t working and what I wanted to change, while at the same time refusing to take action to changing any of it.
But after wallowing in self pity and then spending a few days writing and doing some serious soul searching, I finally had a huge wave of clarity move in. I went to bed on the eve of the full moon with a heavy heart and woke up feeling recentered and refocused.
This year things have been changing a lot behind the scenes here at Floret. I imagined that I’d embrace these changes with open arms since I have wanted them for so long. They are all such good things that are happening, but to my surprise I’ve been really struggling with the newness and the big transitions have felt awkward and choppy. I keep having to remind myself that it’s the medicine I need to heal. But boy oh boy, it sure is bitter.
I have a tendency to over do and over commit. This year with the help of the team, I’m finally trying to break that habit and come at things in a new way. It feels like I’m learning a new language or even how to walk again.
Every week when we have our team planning meetings and I have to make a mountain of tough decisions and pass on dozens of opportunities, in order to keep things at a more balanced level, I feel a little like I’m dying. My old motto was “more is more” and it has been really tricky to try and learn the “less is more” approach.
My Mom (and my coach) calls this part of the personal growth process, going through the eye of the needle. It’s the final part of the hero’s journey, and there’s really no way around it. The only way to get to the other side is by facing all of your fears and resistance head on. And I know from past experience that this is the part where I always want to turn back. I lose faith and forget why on earth I set off on this quest to begin with.
But I’m not giving up. I can’t. Things need to change and I know if I can keep my head in the game, that all of this pain will be worth it when I’m on the other side.
There are a few great books that I’ve been flipping back through to help with the process, Danielle LaPorte’s Fire Starter Sessions and Going Pro By Steven Pressfield. I’ve added them to my Amazon Bookstore along with a few others in case you too are looking for some inspiration on your own journey.
I’d love to know what you do to keep your eye on the prize when you’re working on making big changes in your life. Do you have a favorite book, quote, spiritual teacher, TED talk, etc. that helps recenter you when your faith waivers?
I’m drawn to your site at odd moments and I happened to pick this older post to read tonight. It addresses the exact state of mind I’m currently in while I ponder the changes occurring in my own life. I know they are good for me; they are changes I wanted, but I’m scared. Your words help me push forward with my own farm business choices. They have since I discovered you in Martha Stewart while I was at the doctor’s office last fall. I don’t even think the issue was current, but I jumped out of my chair I was so inspired. Being brave has worked out for you and I will continue to follow you. Fearless leader! PS: My outdoor (!) planted Ranunculus are starting to bloom! First time I’ve grown them and I followed your directions to a tee. I’m in Granite Falls for heaven’s sake! Who knew? It worked. THANK YOU!